This is an excerpt from A Magazine For Women (He Can Read Too), a special-edition literary magazine I created for International Women's Month. For full access to all of the stories, poems, menstrual cycle-syncing resources, and works of art and photography, click here for your print and/or digital copy.
Spread out across the country, seven women go about their lives.
Stilettos smack against the streets of Manhattan. They are attached to a sharp-featured woman who is making her way in and out of the same building she frequents daily, using the expression on her face to psychically ward off anyone who might try to engage with her.
Twenty-something twins enter their junior year of college in Colorado, where they’re both on athletic scholarships. Having mastered a facade of innocence, they stay up late together, plotting their latest money-grabbing scheme.
A mop of curly, blonde hair walks herself home from another one-nighter with a Boston Masshole, sending a text to some guy in California.
A newly-single Pisces lets herself into her best friend’s home, seeking the comfort of her newborn niece and her chosen family as she grieves the loss of another relationship she so badly wanted to cherish.
A new wife snuggles further into the arms of her husband, enjoying a happiness she didn’t know was possible.
It’s in the quiet moments—the late nights at the office, the early mornings alone with some palo santo or a sleepless baby—that they each think back to that weekend in Joshua Tree.
Sometimes they pick up their phone and send a “How are you?” text to each other, but mostly, they just sit with the memories.
<3 <3 <3
Camera pans to Kate, who is humming to herself, standing on her tippy-toes to tape a streamer to the top of the kitchen cabinet. She seems assured in her space, like she lives here—which she doesn’t. She did show up over an hour early, though, so she’s had time to familiarize herself with her surroundings, and it either shows, or this is just how she always shows up. Even the remaining decor, waiting on the kitchen counter to be put up, is organized.
A snicker is heard from the left-side corner. Camera pans to Ava and Imani, who are whispering to each other as they watch Kate work. Ava’s mouth is curled into a wicked smile, while Imani is slightly more committed to keeping a poker face. They’re standing directly underneath an overhead light, giving off the effect of them being spotlit on a stage. They’re unaware of this focus, as all of theirs is on Kate, who continues to move with an efficiency that borders on the terrifying.
In the opposite corner of the room, the twins carry a collective energy that reads, “avoiding the camera.” Kate tosses a doting, maternal glance in their direction every so often, which they meet with sweet smiles that feel practiced in their timing. Then their eyes shoot back to the phone they’re both absorbed in, but not before Ariel—younger by two and a half minutes—catches Ava’s knowing look. I see you, the older woman communicates telepathically, and they pretend not to understand.
“Doesn’t it feel good to make things pretty?” Kate exhales to no one in particular, a dreamy smile tracing her lips. Ava snorts, and Imani nudges her. No one has volunteered to help Kate, and she’s asked for none. It’s just something she likes doing.
“He was pretty hot, huh?” Ava asks Imani under her breath, referring to the owner of the Airbnb, who’d been on his way out as they arrived. He was deeply apologetic for having made any appearance at all, but he’d been lost in some sort of work and had lost track of time. “Enjoy your weekend,” he’d parted with, flashing a megawatt smile before jumping into his Jeep and disappearing into the desert skyline. He was, objectively, pretty hot, but Imani didn’t think he was Ava’s usual type.
“What does that mean?” Ava asks like she has a bad taste in her mouth.
“Just that you usually go for bimbos.”
“Bimbos?”
“Girls,” Kate interrupts, and Ava’s face fixes like a warning shot at having been referred to as “girls.” Kate momentarily falters before continuing, “Have you heard from Lucia? It’s getting a bit late.”
“It’s five o’ clock,” Ava deadpans.
“I think she and Carmen should be pulling up any second now,” Imani cuts in.
Kate nods and smiles, but she’s clearly uncomfortable with being thrown off of the itinerary she’d created and emailed to everyone a week prior. “Great,” she manages, glancing back at the bridal-themed decor, which she’d finished perfectly on time. “I’ll just…go freshen up.” She bustles to the guest bathroom, the fabric of her tea-length skirt swishing as she moves.
“Have you ever met such a freak?” Ava asks Imani, who thinks for a moment.
“Yes.”
“Are they really on their way?”
“You know as much as I do.”
“So you just lied to Kate?” Ava asks with mock horror.
“She needed a win.”
“You think she’s okay?”
“I don’t know, she seems pretty anal.”
“No, I mean Carmen.”
“Well, my comment still applies.”
“What do you think she’ll do?”
Imani raises her eyebrows at her friend. “Aren’t we a little old to be asking that? She’s married.”
“And?” Ava asks defensively, but Imani doesn’t get the chance to respond. There’s a click at the front door as someone enters the code; it swings open to reveal Lucia and Carmen.
“You’re here!” Kate squeals from the hallway. She rushes over to Lucia, grabbing onto her like a life raft in shark-infested waters.
“She looks the same,” Ava mutters out of the side of her mouth.
Camera pans to Carmen, who stands awkwardly next to Kate and Lucia, her shoulders hunched and her face giving away that her mind is elsewhere. Only Lucia, Imani, and Ava know where “elsewhere” is. The three women seem to telepathically share a thought that is imperceptible to Kate and the twins, which Carmen seems intent on ignoring.
How are we going to do this?
“Who wants to get wavy? I brought some tea,” Carmen says in an attempt to divert the attention away from her. She puts a tin jar full of infused tea bags on the counter. Ava’s mouth drops open like she’s going to say something, but Carmen quickly shakes her head.
“What kind of tea?” Kate asks.
“You probably wouldn’t like it,” Ava says.
“Oh, I don’t know—I think she might,” Lucia interrupts, winking at her future sister-in-law. Kate’s nose scrunches up. Lucia turns to the twins, “Don’t tell your mom, okay?” They shrug their shoulders in unison and wander off into one of the guest bedrooms.
“What’s up with them?”
“I think they’re playing games on their phone.”
“Ah, to be young. Okay, who’s having some?” Lucia asks, clapping her hands together and removing the top off the tea tin. She raises an eyebrow at Kate, who firmly shakes her head.
“I brought my own party,” she says, pulling a little baggie of chocolate out of her purse.
“Ooh, let me have a piece,” Ava says, grabbing it out of Kate’s hands and taking a generous bite, which she immediately spits out. “What is that?”
Kate is watching her with murderous eyes. “That is my kidney bean chocolate bar. It’s for my cycle. And you just stuffed about two servings down your throat.”
“Is it going to get me high?”
“No!”
Carmen finds a tea kettle under the sink and fills it with water, prepping three mugs for Lucia, Ava, and Imani. She looks at Kate and raises her eyebrows. To everyone’s surprise, Kate nods.
<3 <3 <3
Two hours later. Camera pans to the floor, where Kate lays a hand across her stomach, feeling her solar plexus erupt as her cheek rests against the soft rug. She’s been laughing for several minutes without pause. Carmen brings her a piece of toast. “Eat this,” she instructs, and Kate has given up control. She obliges and takes a large bite, a small part of her mind relieved to finally be at rest.
“I think your cousins are taking feet pictures,” Imani says.
“Where?” Lucia asks from the couch, where her body is resting upside down. She’s holding onto Ava’s hand, who’s laying next to her with closed eyes.
“In the bathroom. I just walked in on them.”
“I knew it,” Ava says, her eyes still closed but her mouth stretched into a slow smile.
Lucia pauses to think. “Really? Because I didn’t really see that coming,” she admits.
“That’s because you’re too close to it,” Ava explains. “Not all businesses are going by the book. Some are out here writing one of their own.”
“I wish I could sell pictures of my feet,” Carmen grins.
“I wish you’d take a piss already,” Ava shoots back.
Carmen lets out a long sigh and drags her hand over her face. “I’m not thirsty.”
Ava rolls her eyes with impatience. “Why are you so afraid to know?”
Carmen’s eyes focus on Ava’s, burning into them. “Why are you so concerned about my business?”
“It’s not just your business, Carm. It affects all of us.” Her voice breaks with emotion that feels bigger than the moment.
“You think they’re selling pictures of their feet?” Lucia asks the room.
“No,” Kate, whose laughter has finally died down, calls out from the floor.
Ava continues: “Carmen, we’re your family. It’s obviously on your mind. It’s on all of ours, too.”
Lucia clocks Carmen’s chin starting to tremble. She reaches for her glass of wine, banging a spoon she’d been eating ice cream with against it. “Ahem—a toast!” she shouts. “Even though he isn’t here, he’s the reason for this season: Jeremiah, my beloved fiance who saw me as I wanted to be seen.”
A quiet descended upon the room as the women’s minds moved to go on a mental journey with Lucia. The twins were still absent, presumably creating more content for an alleged online business the group now believed they were running.
“Kate,” Lucia continues, “You’re about to learn some new things about me, and I hope they don’t make you change your mind about wanting me in your family. But, my sisters here know I haven’t always been on the straight. I was up for anything, down to go anywhere with anyone. And then everything got really bad. I was in the hospital, I wasn't eating, I wasn’t talking to anyone; like, you know the story. I know I’m not special. And when I met Jeremiah, I was trying so hard to forget that version of myself, but she was still consuming a lot of my memories.
“I started working all of the time. I was trying to run away. But it was my workaholism that brought me to Jeremiah. And I don’t know what that looked like to everyone here: like, you were my sisters hearing about what probably sounded like another unhinged story from your unhinged friend living across the country. And to you, I was Jeremiah’s latest, I guess.” She stops to laugh. “But finding the right person…you know what I’m talking about, Carm. There’s nothing like love. It changes you; it makes you stronger than you ever thought you could be, if you do it right. So I want to thank you all for coming out here to celebrate with me. Because you guys were my first loves. You were the first ones to make me feel strong, the reason I made it far enough to meet Jeremiah in the first place. I owe you my life.”
The friends sit in a silence meant to honor the sentiment circulating the room, until Kate’s gentle sobs eventually break through.
“How could you say that?” she asks, her eyes pleading and wet.
“What?” Lucia’s brow is knit in confusion.
“That I would change my mind about you.”
Lucia shrugs. “Insecurity?”
Kate shakes her head, her voice trembling. “You know I spent most of my childhood in hospitals?”
Lucia shakes her head.
“Eating disorders. Pretty common on the Upper East Side, actually. Depression, anxiety, Cotard’s delusion—that one, not as common.”
Ava looks at Imani, mouthing, Cotard’s delusion? with a furrowed brow.
“I thought I was dead for a few months,” Kate explains. “No one could convince me otherwise—my parents, my brother, my friends, the doctors. It actually kicked off the anorexia, because I was like, ‘Why do I need to eat? I’m dead!’ I was constantly cold and stiff, and I wasn’t motivated to do anything. Everything just felt sort of pointless. Even now, sometimes I can’t quite believe that I’m alive. It’s like I’m constantly fighting this battle in my head. Cleaning helps.” She glances at Ava, who looks away. “I’m always trying to bring myself back to the present moment. Otherwise, I’d probably be having constant panic attacks. But it was hard to tell what was real versus my delusion. It went on like that for months. I tried keeping it to myself, but it all just started to come out. And it’s really easy to be out of your mind in New York City.
“I did all kinds of weird things that I still can’t explain. I walked barefoot down Fifth Avenue in my mom’s old Dior; my brother found me after one of his friends called him and told him about it. Another time, I used my dad’s card to rent a suite at The Plaza. I filled the tub with ice and stayed there for hours; I thought maybe if I made my own tomb, I’d finally be able to cross over to the other side. But the maid found me before it could happen. So I tried jumping into the Hudson, but that didn’t work either. And then, the hospital. It was hard, because I wasn’t suicidal. I just thought I wasn’t supposed to be here anymore.” She shrugs, her speech finishing like she’s been yanked out of a trance. “Point is, it takes an awful lot to scare me off. Now, why are you scared to find out if you’re pregnant? From what I’ve overheard, you have an amazing partner, and you seem like you’d make a great mom. What’s holding you back?” The women are stunned, thinking that Kate had been completely out of it this whole time.
“I don’t know,” Carmen answers quietly, finally addressing the question mark that’s been hanging in the air. “Because everything is going to change.”
Kate shrugs again. “If everything didn’t change, I’d still be in a tub at The Plaza, you know?”
Carmen laughs, looking at her lifelong friends with soft eyes. They settle on Ava, whose own are wet and still brimming with emotion.
“I feel like I’m in a tub at The Plaza,” Ava whispers, staring straight ahead with big eyes. “I haven’t done shit with my life!” her voice jumping from a whisper to a shriek, “I just keep dating losers and getting traumatized at The Bungalow and I feel like I’m on this loop of like, For What? Why am I doing any of it? And I’m so happy for you guys. Lucia is gonna be Wifey and Carmen is gonna be Mommy. And Imani is a boss babe, and Kate, you seem really self-aware,” she exudes with earnesty.
“I’m breaking up with Cherish,” Imani blurts out.
“Since when?” Lucia asks, her head whipping around to face Imani.
She cracks her knuckles and says, “I think I just realized he’s my tub at The Plaza.”
The women get up and follow Carmen to the bathroom. They’re expecting to have to kick out the twins, but the bathroom is empty. Carmen pees on a stick while three women pretend not to watch, the twins in the backyard recording each other stepping on potato chips with stilettos.
<3 <3 <3
The next morning. Camera pans once again to the living room floor, where Lucia, Ava, Imani, and Kate ended up sleeping despite the three available bedrooms. The space is immaculate; the women got up early to pack and shower, and they’re waiting for the guys to come get them so they can all go to brunch together. The twins are waiting together in the master bedroom, their phones vibrating on the dresser as their bank account accepts a number of transfers. The doorbell rings, and the camera pans to Jeremiah, who’s standing on the front porch with breakfast, coffees, and the AirBnb guy.
Kate answers the door in a blazer and jeans, no trace of last night left on her. “Hi,” she greets her brother, and they hug. She appraises his company over his shoulder. “Aren’t you the AirBnb guy?”
The guy smiles. “This is Ronnie,” Jeremiah says. “We met him out last night, got to talking, found out he owned the place you guys are staying at. Isn’t that crazy?”
“You smell,” Kate tells him, her nose scrunched up. “Are they coming in?” she motions to the car in the driveway, full of future groomsmen.
“I don’t think they’re alive yet.”
Lucia appears at the door, launching herself into Jeremiah’s arms. She asks him if Carmen’s husband is in the car.
“Yeah. Why?”
“She has something to tell him.”
“Hi.” Ava materializes, having overheard the story of Ronnie. The two of them lock eyes, and her lips curl into a smile. “Are you coming to brunch with us?”
“I’d love to.”
“I didn’t sleep in your bed last night.”
“Oh? Well, I don’t actually live here.”
“Where do you live?” Ava asks, winking at Lucia.
“I live in LA.”
“Maybe we can become friends.”
Lucia moves to the door, looking past Jeremiah. Carmen is standing next to the car with Peter, whose head is in his hands. She steps forward and gingerly puts her arms around his shoulders; he grips her tightly and their bodies mold together, joined at the torso.
“She got out of the tub,” Kate whispers.
Thank you to my friend Beccy, who asked me to write a story about female friendships and sparked the inspiration for this special magazine. For full access to all of the stories, poems, menstrual cycle-syncing resources, and works of art and photography, click here for your print and/or digital copy.
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