HBD to Me: 30 Lessons in 30 Years

I’m 30 years old today. As usual, I’m wearing green. 

The day started out with this birthday-themed yoga practice—which I’ve been doing for years—followed by an intense kickboxing session with my husband, my newest St. Taylor’s Day tradition. Now I’m sitting at my favorite coffee shop and writing this intro: reflecting on thirty years of learning, growing and experiencing.

I spent the weekend surrounded by all of the people I love most: people who’ve seen me go through several stages of life. I’ve recovered from anorexia, moved across the country by myself, gone through grief and heartbreak, moved across the country by myself again, fallen in love and dared to take a chance on it. I’ve been learning more about being a woman in the process—how to tune into my intuition, remember who I am, and be the best friend, partner, and person I can be in the process. 

Thank you to everyone who has been on this journey with me. If you’re reading this, I love you!!!

30 life tips from my 30 years as Taylor

Hayyy. In honor of starting my third decade, I’m reflecting on what came first. Take what resonates, giggle at what doesn’t. I’m just glad you’re here with me.

1. Don’t EVER doubt yourself. 

Whatever follows literally anything you do is entirely defined by your own belief in what you’re saying. So stand on business. Mistakes can be corrected—but not if you’re already censoring yourself during the idea stage. 

2. Treat others as you wish to be treated.

That golden rule. We exchange energy all day long—you’ve felt that, right? Keeping the community’s energetic hygiene fresh ’n’ clean only works when we all do our part. 

3. Quantum physics will help you understand how to move through the world.

Speaking of exchanging energy: I was introduced to physics in high school, and have been learning more and more about quantum mechanics ever since. 

My perspective: Understanding vibration, frequency, and the observer effect will change how you see everything, and that will change how you live your life. Let me know if you want to discuss further—I’m always down for a conversation about the universe and our presence in it. 

4. Make things happen for yourself.

Since I subscribe to the quantum theory, I see the world’s possibilities as all-accessible because of the following formula:

Intention + Emotion + Repeated Focus = Shift in Reality

This means:

Intention → Clearly define what you want with present thoughts and words.

Emotion → Feel the emotions of your intention as if it’s already real.

Repeated Focus → Keep your energy aligned with this new reality by acting as if you’re living in it. 

Of course, life has its obstacles we have to try and make sense of in relation to this formula, but something really interesting happens when you start to tap into this way of thinking. Maybe you start to see that you’re the only one standing in your way when it comes to desired outcome. I know I have. 

5. Preserve your time and energy.

Listen…I’ve spent a lot of hours doing things I don’t like at all. This doesn’t mean life comes without friction or obstacle, but how many are you creating for yourself by saying “yes” to things you don’t really want to do? Sometimes you just have to bite an unsavory bullet,  but it’s good to have a strong gauge on what you’re actually available for, time-wise and energy-wise. From there, commit to what you can and communicate respectfully when it comes to what you can’t.

6. Play “The Nice Game.”

A few years ago, my brother and I came up with something called “The Nice Game.” The rules are, if you’re complaining about someone who’s getting on your nerves, you’re required to say at least one nice thing about that person. 

It started as a way to relieve some tension and make ourselves laugh, but it eventually morphed into a new mindset: one where we are more likely to think about all of the good things first instead of the other way around. 

7. Exercise in a way that makes you happy.

This one took me quite a few years to comprehend, and if I can save someone from similar, directionless self-harm, I’ll be overjoyed. 

I spent many years punishing myself at the gym until it finally hit me: exercising is supposed to make me healthier, and the negative feelings I was putting on myself were canceling out any of the benefits I thought I was working toward. 

COVID is actually what helped me really shift this perspective; with the gym shut down, I was unable to push myself in an environment I wasn’t ever really comfortable in to begin with (creepy gym men, ew!). I used the social distancing era to get back to my roots: dance, which makes me feel creative and beautiful and ethereal instead of sweaty and metallic and visually-violated. I eventually discovered kickboxing, a different form of choreographed movement that also itches my brain in the right way, and now I get to do it with my husband. 

Today, I’m in the best shape of my life, and it’s all because I’m getting my heart rate up in ways that make me feel happy instead of forcing myself through something that feels like a chore. 

8. Eat intuitively, and eat what you love.

This was another tough one for me to learn, but I’m finally in a place where I can say I have a balanced diet. Just like exercise, eating healthy goes a lot deeper than chomping on raw vegetables. 

Food is fuel, but it’s also an experience. It’s a chance to connect with your loved ones over shared flavors and smells; it’s a way to experience culture and learn more about the world around us through its many creations. And it’s important to find some middle ground between health consideration and art appreciation. 

Ultimately, I’ve really learned to listen to my body. It tells me what it needs for optimal energy, and I provide. It also tells me when it just needs to let go and enjoy, and I respond accordingly. 

9. Mindset is the ultimate indicator of health.

What you eat and how you exercise matters, but not as much as what’s going on inside of your head. We are the creators of our own reality: what does yours feel like? 

10. Develop a self-love routine that works.

If your answer to the above question is anything less than “fabulous,” I’ve been there, too. But my struggle seasons are what help me develop my self-love toolbox: equipped with daily affirmations, exercise routines I enjoy, whole foods and soothing drinks I love, and quality time with my loved ones. 

My advice? Pick one self-care task per day and assign it to yourself. This can be as simple as checking in with a friend or as complex as taking an extended vacation. But I promise, if you get into the habit of taking at least two minutes out of your day to set a self-loving intention, your mind (and body) will thank you forever. 

11. Think of jobs as resources and/or opportunities for growth.

My 20s were full of jobs I didn’t really enjoy doing. This part of life, especially if you work in corporate, tends to be unavoidable, and it’s where character is built and lessons are learned. So look at it as just that.

A lot of us feel overworked and underappreciated, especially in entry-level corporate positions. Turn that feeling into one of empowerment by recognizing the freedom that exists within the situation: you’re an asset, and this job is here to get you experience, resources, and PAID. Take it for all it’s got. 

12. Invest in skincare, NOT skin cover up.

Makeup is an incredible outlet for artistry and independence, but it can be a double-edged sword—particularly when it’s expected of women by the patriarchy. Waking up to this realization in my early 20s was significant for me; it’s when I stopped wearing makeup, started caring less about following trends, and decided to invest in wellness and longevity rather than fleeting lewks. As a result, I’m a big skincare hoe—just ask my bathroom counter. 

Now, let’s also consider the fact that I’m a Pisces girlie who’s always gravitated toward a bare ’n’ beachy aesthetic—a.k.a., giving up makeup was never a major sacrifice for me because I never really liked it to begin with. 

If you love beating your face, I love looking at it. I’d just suggest being mindful of how you’re caring for your skin’s health in the interim. 

13. Similarly, invest in haircare, NOT dye or harsh treatments that will harm.

Some more Taylor-specific advice that may or may not make sense for you: I stopped applying harsh heating products to my hair long ago, and I much prefer it in all of its natural glory. I skip any sort of damaging treatments because I’m going for long-term health; instead, I choose to invest in products (or DIY them myself!) that encourage growth and shine. 

If you’re also into learning about natural hair or skin products or DIY recipes, let’s talk. 

14. Honor your loved ones.

It all goes back to treating others as you wish to be treated. Your loved ones are your close-up mirrors: your connection with them reflects the inner workings of your internal world. 

15. Give back as soon as you can and as many ways as you can. 

I say “as soon as you can” because a few years ago, I wasn’t in a position to give any money away—at least that’s how it felt. Today, I’m blessed with financial peace, which means I’m able to think about donating and giving back whenever I can. My favorite thing to do is give away the books I read so other people can enjoy them for free. 

16. Learn about budget and investing asap.

Speaking of money: I was able to achieve financial peace when I stopped being afraid of my bank account. Get in there, look at it, and make a plan. All it takes is intention; action will follow if your heart is in it.

17. Steer into the difficult moments.

I’ve spent a looooooot of time trying to run from life’s hardest moments—to gaslight myself into thinking my struggles don’t exist. But these moments are meant to challenge us so we can grow, evolve, and be there for one another. 

Now when I am inconvenienced or going through a tough period, I ask myself, “Where’s the blessing?” I’m always able to find one. 

18. Go through the grieving process.

The hardest thing I’ve ever gone through was losing my father three years ago, and I did everything I could to run from the grief. It turned out to be impossible.

I continue to face it in waves. People say grief never shrinks, you just grow around it. I’m finding that to be true, and I’m also finding it okay to just have to sit with it sometimes. Talking to him helps. 

19. In general, try to be mindful of where and how you numb. 

We all do it. I tend to do it by hyper-fixating on food and body image, or smoking too much weed. And when life gets hard, I might notice myself thinking a little too much about what I’m eating. 

Where’s the blessing? Fighting those thoughts is a chance to keep practicing how I show up for myself and care for my body. 

20. Speak daily affirmations.

My dad was the first one to teach me how to do this. I start every day with about five minutes of spoken affirmations, which I say aloud as I perform my morning tasks. It’s completely changed my perspective on life. 

21. Stretch every day.

This is the most important thing you can do.

22. Drink water every day, all day!

…Next to this.

23. Tell someone you love them every day.

I’ll start: I love you, reader <3

24. Begin and end the day with gratitude.

Every day, my husband and I talk about all of the things we are grateful for. Once you start noticing the blessings, you won’t be able to stop. Try it. 

25. Laugh more.

Another gift my dad gave me: a solid sense of humor. Laughing at your life and surroundings is how you develop resilience.

26. Talk to yourself.

Have a sense of humor, get to know yourself. 

27. Do something creative every day.

This can be really small, like writing a quick haiku or singing along to your favorite song, but if you do something creative every day, your brain will be grateful. 

28. Visit another country.

To gain perspective, soak up some history, and up your empathy and understanding. We can never have too much. 

29. Give someone unexpected a chance.

Sometimes, you just gotta say “yes” to someone new, whether it be romantically, platonically, or professionally. At least once in your lifetime, so you know what it feels like. 

30. Talk your shit!!

What makes you special? Don’t be afraid to share it! I’ve spent most of my life downplaying my achievements—for what? Probably some intrinsic fear of what people will say or think, but at age 30, I no longer care. Maybe you can get there sooner than I did.